No Matter

Sharing a hill with mansions and castles alike
I was stuck in the shade literally near the bottom.
Sharing a hill with the balance of power
we lived quietly among them in a pool of seemingly less importance.
And though only a few blocks away stood houses with pools, life seemed so different to the kid with the home upstairs.

You had your backyard and I had the parks.
You had the front yard and I had my driveway,
Cemented next to the 4 car garage of which we owned one spot.

Temporary.
Waste.
Ownerless.
One could say the patriarch failed us for lack of being special.
Man, a carpenter.
Woman, office.
Mediocrity.
I beg to differ their level of special.
And I never knew what it was like to fall into slumber in a room alone,
Decorated in style, a T.V. with my name on it.
I lacked the presence of man's best friend
Or the freedom of a high numbered decibel.
Yet different I felt.
And I suppose understandably so.
But lucky I was and am
Of the apartment in the sky
Of which laundry was washed in the same machine as strangers.
Or people on the same path.
It's all just the cherry on top of feeling so much different
Than the girl in the house next door.

Oh, Mother! Father!
Never once did you fail
At stockpiling the dinner table and blanketing my naked body.
Your beautiful souls may never know the utter joy brought by a never-ending "Yes"
And a loved heart and open mind to succeed with.

The closer I get the more the stars on the canvas become houses on the hill.

I want you to take a moment and capture your breath.
"This is how it's supposed to be," she thought.

"Why don't you ever kiss me like that anymore," she asked aloud.
She wore this sort of lost look in her eyes.

Now I want you to take a moment and capture your gasp.
The soft one you just took with that faint, lost look in your eyes.
"Why would he write about this?
Could he really remember?
I asked him with all I had left."

I will never forget.
This is where the movie climaxed.

It didn't end much longer after that.
I'll always remember that look in your eyes as if you were grasping me
And yells and screams that seemed to float out of your beautiful mouth to ears that could no longer listen.
Safety.
For safety!
This lifeboat was out to sea.
Too far for your painful pleas.
The signs lived for months prior.
I had sailed away.
Blindfolded it seemed. Deaf to all cries.
Nothing may be salvaged or saved once it's taken away.
And we were just on the edge of Christmas
Or so it seemed.
Possibly lost in a fairytale
Or a dream,
We woke up.

I want you to take a moment.

No one’s always famous, all the time.

Welcome to small town America.
It's quite quaint and quiet but we talk a little more.
This is Main Street.
A commerce filled boulevard of barber shops and butcher shops, blacksmiths and ice cream parlors.
Ah, can't forget the general store.
Empty streets and old cars parked in slanted parking spots, kissing the sidewalk.
Bright pale colors.
Reds, blues, greens, white.
White.
The smell of Autumn every day of the year.
A smile and a "Hello" behind every door.
And behind these brick walls of stores rests your new start.
Aisles and aisles of houses packed neatly.
Some quite old and some even newer but still aged.
On Maple Lane is where you will reside.
Over there, in the yellow one with the garage, that's Joey the barber's.
2 doors down lives Mike the butcher and wife.
And that house right there, in between them, with the white fence, that one's yours.
It comes equipped with a lack of responsibility, a fresh rep. and, most importantly, a jacuzzi for the long days.
Mrs. Adamsworth, from across the street, is jealous.
Everyone on the block already knows your name but don't fright, everything they said was nice.
Oh, and 4 doors down and across the street lives Melanie or Mel, whichever you prefer.
She lives in the cute little seagreen house with the white window panes.
She's the one that will take your vows one day and, don't worry, she's already got her eye on you.
She's got bright blonde hair and these big green eyes.
She likes jazz and Van Gogh, Back To The Future and Pleasantville.
She's never ruled out that her life could be like The Truman Show
and she loves the rain.
Gloomy days are perfect for anything and she's gotta sleep with the air conditioner on.
And as you dream she sees the skyline of Chicago, at night, from the 50th floor balcony.
She grew up on Boy Meets World and Family Matters, Home Improvement and MTV
And she's convinced that Football is divinely inspired.
Doesn't drink coffee much but will sip on your hot chocolate.
Her quarterback will always be Brett Favre and will wake with you to watch a 4 a.m. tennis match from the All England Club.
She likes sprinkles atop her ice cream and pizza is a love but her specialty is lasagna and for dessert, some carrot cake.
She'd rather eat at Mel's than McDonalds and a cozy night in is always one better than a night on the town.
Don't get her wrong though.
She's always down for a dance in the middle of central park under the city lights.
She listens to almost everything and her favorite CD is still Tragic Kingdom,
But any acoustic anything will melt her heart.
She votes Republican, I know you can't win 'em all.
It's only 'cause her mama does, but she spells God: L-O-V-E.
She doesnt mind seeing the world from the book sitting at the fireplace but would hop on the first flight to Palermo or Edinburgh or Dublin.
Did I mention that she loves the rain?
You're on your own from here and I know you know the way back.
This is the beginning of your new life.
Everyone here is so fond.
Just remember... The way back doesn't always lead home.
Never forget that...

Not in need of money but in need of love.

And as the sun leaves us empty of light for the day, this man is just looking for the next place to sleep tonight.
And off behind a wall he disappears but I am unable to empathize with the feeling he must be experiencing tonight.
Oh, how awful it must be to be homeless for the night or week or years or life.
Begging on the streets for a nickel or a dime or anything you got.
I'd give him my love if he would've taken it.
But he was just looking for a smile, not a stare.
Because he's no different than me.
Hell, I'm just a few bucks richer but with a whole lot more luck.
And my feelings, these feelings!, are based on selfish emotion.
I know what I have and how lucky I am to have it but it didn't take this moment to realize the beauty I live within.
I know that regardless.
It's just an observation of a lonely man, with a lonely night and a lonely heart.

Facade

Right there, on the grass, slept an old coffee cup and empty pack of cigarettes.
It was all used up and tossed.
It looked starved for food or attention.
Someones simple pleasure just layed there in a coma.
It looked so sad and thrown away.
And for some reason this grass just wasn't as green but this goddamn pack of smokes and starbucks just sat there.
Just used up for its good to make someone else smile and feel better.
A temporary flight into bliss.
And I swear it's crawling for help but its knees are too weak to walk.
Someone, here, abandoned this bliss like he took it for granted and gifted this patch grass with it.
Now let me clear it up that I'm not worried about the cup or the box or the litter it has become.
I'm worried that a coffee and a cigarette could ever really make someone smile.