Window

Through this window I have seen many days start and many of them end.
I have encountered rain and hail and heat and sunshine through this glass.
The blinds and curtains change every few years, but, from this second story window, I've always been able to witness the same view: The hovering piece of a telephone wire on the backdrop of tree and building.
Behind that stands the top of a brown city mountain, or hill, that peaks right where the blue sky starts.
And sometimes the sky is gray like tonight, but I live for these nights.
On this side of the window I have not grown up with any ounce of ideal.
I fall down and stay down.
Sometimes I even fall asleep.
I stumble my way up staircases that lead to tomorrow.
But one thing I've always seen through my window is the freedom in the air that awaits on the outside, the open world that awaits my delayed arrival to it.
But I am here now.I am here to stay.

Teach ’Em: Our Children

Up and around the castle walls we go.
Up and around the castle.
The mortar and pestle art forms that are spread around this continent.
Natural Museums.
Stone walls and checkered marble floors.
Beautiful scenery inspired by the treasures of the long departed moats and drawbridges.
Then to a peek of the peeling paint and the saints that roamed these halls.
A quick glimpse of the freedom found in smoking in the bathrooms
Or the science buildings built on top of bomb shelters and history.
Canteens and warmer wooden cafeterias.
Libraries that smelled like the browning pages of the printed paper sandwiched inbetween hard covers.
Libraries that seemed to hide gold in their books.
You would just have to find them hidden among the others.
A time when all you did was what you wanted.
When rules were meant to be broken.
They didn't have to look out for you then.
They don't have to look out for you now.

But they do.

And until they stop, the buildings will be torn down for new.
The paint will be fresh, the halls less legendary,
The desks comfortable, and the lockers removed.
The back of the school: Buildings painted beige with rusted water stains dripping from the roofs like waterfalls frozen in motion.
The nights seemed to last for years.
This is where we stand.
A January, February time and I'm losing the vision.
Can you hear it in the melody?

We were once special.
We ruled what we liked.
We were once special.
We had it all.

Blaring Proof

It echoes against the walls.
The tiny siren alarms the unsuspecting.
One long beep.
Then another.
1, 2! 1, 2!
It makes you feel like there is still life beyond our thoughts.
There's still something alive out there.
I'm not the only one left.
Blaring proof to the future that there was once human life here.

Just.Works

I looked to my left.
She was gleaming with the lights from the buildings on the side of the road.
And as we strolled along quickly to see the fireworks it was as if she moved in slow motion.
She just seemed so natural.
I captured every moment of it.
It was then that I noticed that the theme park brings out something from inside of her,
Just like how she only adds to the beauty of the amusement.
The sights and the sounds and her face in this wonder only shows me somethin' of which we do not speak of.
We just live it and live on and hope for the best.
And maybe I'm blinded by the lights and the smell and the tine,
Or maybe I've just found her hiding behind it all.
There's just something about this all.

The Inability To Do Math

Never have I fallen so low.
Or been pushed down to the ground.
I bleed from all angles
And the lights don’t flash fast enough.
The siren doesn’t howl loud enough.
You’re sightless to my becoming.
A little farther away from you.
My nose bleeds. My elbow’s scraped.
I don’t want to feel.
Fury and resentment boil up inside of you
And I’m the breath of oxygen that sets up the blast.
I am not here out of want sir.
Just let me finish and I’ll stay out of your way.
I’ll be gone before you know it.
I’ll leave you alone everlastingly.

She Hid Behind Greensleeves

I didn't see this coming,
This sort of thing,
Though winters in the past have brought me luck.
There must be something in the air this year.
The breeze filled with warm smell of spices in November
And a mystic cloudy gloom in December.

It's all rather beautiful when put together.

But here I was, wondering what came next.
With so many things in mind, I felt the need to perfect them,
But instead something has fallen perfectly in my lap.
I didn't see this coming,
This sort of thing.

It's all rather beautiful when put together.

Like November

There’s something this November that flies around the air.
It’s this peace and color that brightens more with every new sun.
And at night it illuminates our faces just enough.
The cold this year likes to tease but we still keep warm.
And our arms stay linked and connect at the bottom at our fingertips
As our heads rest on one another’s with an easing calm, for comfort.
I don’t see this often.
I’ve no desire to take it for granted.
That way I can feel it brand new each time.

Ask me anything you’d like.
Never say sorry.

Asleep in my Murphy Bed

Staring into a blank space,
I don’t see very much.
This is all too difficult for you.
To put a key in the door
But not for the night out.
I never was the perfect shape, was I?
Or the right size?
I never said anything just to make you happy.
What would you learn from that?
My shape doesn’t help you.
What good am I to you?
What use have I served?
You were never one to answer questions, were you?
The aqueduct is flooded.
My sense of right and wrong gets distorted by a random hug or an “I’m proud.”
So take your restless life out on me.
So that one day I can beg and plead!
For the forgiveness of my brother and mother.
For leaving them.
For not returning home until the ship passes.

Confidence Man

Hello. I'm a heartbreaker.
I break hearts.
And souls and trust and minds.
I break innocence and friendships.
Things of that nature. All kinds.

Now, I could be lying to you.
My words are alleged fakes.
They're good at that.
But look at my words, my demeanor, this face.
I could never hurt that bad.

They say if anyone were to hurt me that those people got nerve.
I'm a gentleman.
Some dream come true.
It's not what I deserve.

But I'm so successful in so many cases.
My sense of security has you fooled.
Your belief in my innocence is what makes me dangerous.
I do that on purpose. This smile's my tool.

Now if you listen to the words that pour out of my mouth.
They're like thieves in the night that sneak house to house,
In search of a fight or an argument alike.
They always do wrong when trying to do right.
Like boys do to girls on the playgrounds and black tops
When they frolic and shine inside a naive sandbox.
The way girls make boys do things of their choice
With a simple inflection of change in their voice.

And so with truth I will play,
Just like all the boys,
And you'll be my playmate,
Your heart, the toy.

11:11:11

It's October.
The 2nd hottest in 100 years.
Surely the sky can't be falling!

Baby, the sky is falling,

Here, on a town where Autumn only comes in fairytales
Or is fabricated inside of soundstages.
I hope the water has truly arrived.
Here in this town a secret's shelflife lasts mere seconds.
We're so unphased by the life around us.
But to wake up to drops showering art onto our roof tops
It has given us a real surprise.

Hollowed Parks

5 trees.
Side by side along the fortress walls of a castle afar.
The castle, it protects us.
It smiles for us.
It holds us here in this cold and shadowed hole.
Where there are cold and shadowed men.
These men have lost their chivalry.
Will I acquire what it takes?
What it takes to make it here.
Over there, across this man made river, sits a silent city of bodies.
The souls that once filled them have seen compassion.
Where is my compassion?
There are no stars out tonight
I've never seen a weed grow.

Ten. Ten Million.

I was gone for 2 of 'em.
There hasn't been very many of 'em.
And you were forced into the world to learn it all on your own.
I was nowhere to be found.
Your transtion was halted, troubled.
Letters cannot spell out the sorrow.
You screamed for help.
You needed me.
And I was too good for you?
Now, look at you.
16 years older with the thoughts of man.
God, I'm so proud of you.
Before, you couldn't ask me anything.
I was the ghost with the empty bed that was filled only after late-nights.
It brings tears to my eyes.
I'm sorry. I am.
You must've had so many questions and thoughts.
No one to share them with.
You don't need my help anymore.
Never will I tell you of my regrets.
Never once will I claim to change.
I hope now, a year later, you have seen that change.
And I don't believe "I love you," will hit it like "I'd die for you."
I'll never leave you ever again.
You're one in a million.

December Wind on All Hallows’ Eve

There's a sense of urgency that floats away when you open the door.
The wonder pours in and fills the room.
An October wind pushes the peace around.
The old lady carries her roses.
I could've never told you about it in the morning.
This is California at its best.
This is why they chose this place.
This is why they built the missions here.
This is why our cities stand tall.
This is why we live here.
Breathe easy.
At night it's the same.
Almost hollow yet sacred.
Real. It's real.
And I look up tonight and drink in the cold, the wind.
The white moon fits inside our pockets.
It hides behind the flowing clouds.
I can see it peeking through the branches in the tree.
You know what I see: Leaves dancing in the street to an album beat.

Winter Wonderland

Tonight, I am standing here.
Almost naked on this suburban street.
It feels as if I've walked out of the ocean, onto the sand, while the wind mists the few rain drops against my face.
It's back. We're back.
I feel the cold against my legs. It's real.
And the trees say, "Hello," and remind me of a time.
It's rare what I feel tonight.
"Welcome home," they say.
Only to awake to breeze under grey clouds. All I could ever ask for.
Atop this mountain you can't see far yet.
The mist arrives and the dew nestles on the stained glass windows.
The play comes out and kindness is spread in wealth.
And it only lasts a few moments but comes around just in time.
The music sings a little clearer and softer.
Patience is discovered.
The jackets are back in style, the kisses are warmer.
The street lamps smile and the notes ring on in my head.
I swear the air smells a little sweeter, tastes a little better.
Some might say life is more authentic.
God, I think it's wired a little differently.
I think I think a lot.
It sees things slightly different than them.
Wants to relish in the past.
The past of first grade classrooms and lunch tables,
Cafeteria lines and chocolate milk.
The ever sustaining accomplishment of being first in the lunch line.
It believes all that is real is fake and all that is fiction is real.
Sincerity lives here.
Innocence lives here.
A tuned in television set to a show of look and feel.
This is the way it should look and feel.
Where have all the good ones gone?
Enchanted classrooms standing in front of a wall covered in vines live here.
Imagination too wild to control that it rarely releases anything.
A first love with Friday winds.
Isn't it fantastic?
How small you can feel in an open field?
Under an ocean of broken clouds in dim light?
Look how I can move swiftly as they hover still.
The sky tonight is a silhouette in front of the sunlight that bounces off the Moon onto Earth.
Mesmerizing joined with laughter and chaos.
We're not lucky to witness such greatness.
We're blessed.
And maybe that should tell me something.
That you don't mess around with the good ones.
That they bring you peace.
Half of it.
And when the sun falls asleep she will keep you warm.
Like a pillow she will let your head rest gently.
Like the hands of a saint she'll disarm you.
Forever we will fight with words.
And to describe what I feel you would've had to live it.
Like a screenplay night written for a film
You wouldn't have believed it unless you were there..
You must excuse my eyes, they're trying not to stare.

Psychiatrist & Patient in the Optometry Office

The world was never so simple for the neighbors down the street.
2+2=4 here.
Not there.
It can be split into twisted segments never thought possible.
And the psychiatrist could've never expected what her ears were about to listen to.
She was only trying to help.

Your father hates you.
He only hates himself.

For others, complaints don't resonate within.
Life is accepted.
I'm sorry I cannot describe this with colors and detail
For beauty has been seized from her.
Beauty is always seized in yellow light
But she has found some of her own.
It's never shed in tears.
Her eyes stare blank at the hand.
A hand that has been held and helped but understands.
But with no help from anyone, anything, she's now made it on her own.
I'm telling you.
She found some of her own.
It glows on her face.
Goodbye, my dear.

Streetlamps that Smile and a Minty Air

Through the straight,
With the unknown.
A solitary drive along speedy paths that intertwine throughout our city like guided railways that lead to you.
A night filled with stars and incandescent satellites.
They hang from our ceiling in a mobile that spins and spins around us.
Off to the place where we first made contact.
A wave and smile transmitted in morse with our eyelids.
You're too beautiful for this.
You should be kept a secret.

The San Francisco Highway

We aren't coming of age.
No, we're not there yet.
As I come up to the light I turn left to keep right.
I feel as if the lights throughout the airport span for miles.
And that they were put in by the architect artist.
Beautifully positioned like pieces on a chessboard.
The electricity supplies my mind and runs fluidly throughout.
I feel bigger than you but smaller than them.
I will own this once again.
Look. It's shines with such beauty.
Breathe patience.
Don't follow paths and you'll aquire all that you lust faster than you've ever dreamt of.

Red Raider

They speed atop the track layed out in gold.
Pleasure guaranteed.
Destination: Life.
All who are ready to ride today: The captain and the Mrs.
All who ride today will live on forever,
Because on this train the coals never lose spark or flame
And it always gets to where it's going safely.
All he had to do was hop on.
He could lead this ship out of the bay, in through the pacific, and onto the other side to then vanish in the distance.
But lord was he scared to fly.
He jumped in.
He rode for a while.
His eye always looking back.
"This cannot be it," he thought.
He could not be satisfied.
And this train began to move.
The coals burned with angst!
Flames ten feet tall!
This train was definitely headed in the right direction.
The ship glided along the waves.
The eyes widened.
But holes were exposed.
The ship quickly filled with water
And surely began to sink.
He proceeded to jump from the plane onto the tallest mountain in the world.
His head buried in the clouds he managed to scream.
He exclaimed with his voice the life he felt.
Then he watched the plane dive into a large body of water.
Casualty and all.
Pilot he was.
Captain of the seas.
Conductor of heart.
But never worthy of the titles.
How could one let it all slip away?

He walked away more harmed than ever,
Yet unharmed to your naked eye.
The bandit inside always robs the train.

Juicy Juice and Video Game Watches

Early mornings.
5.
We breezed in through and lined up together.
Always looking for the middle of the day.
We danced under trees and watched the cartoon birds lay eggs in nests.
All was loyal in the square.
And the bench where we sat.
Maybe something was to be said of the memory that is left.
The one of the kitchen and milk bottles.
Towards the end we discovered Santa when we noticed the paper peeling.
It would've broken your heart.
But Z led it all. She was like nanny.
God, I hope she is well.
All is well.

Out of control!

Punched in the mouth.
Blood sneaking through the cracks between my teeth.
Knocked around. Slapped.
Kicked to the ground.
With bloodshot eyes and an anger filled fist I arose.
I stood up with all my might.
I looked him dead in the eye.
He wanted more you could see.
Picking this fight.
He picked this fight.
The one desire he had on his side.
With all my might my mouth opened.
My fist released.
Pity.Shame.Cowardess. thoughts filled my mind and surely the ones of others.
I could list the many things this person deserved.
And the suspense layed heavily on the wasted breaths of on-lookers.
This kid was looking for a fight.
But my elders taught me better.
This didn't deserve attention however.
He didn't deserve a word, a look, a kill.
And now the fight is inside.
Conflicts erupt within of proper methods of handling.
History showed me what to do but we have failed.
There's the blood angered nature.
There's the scared tired soul.
There are the words of the above.
There are the words of the surrounding.
What would you do?
You're hit, punched, kicked and all he wants is some fight in return.
The utter jealousy is written all over him.
I walk away.
Always walk away or they get what they came for.

A Lacking Rhythm

Doors open and doors close.
The wheels spin at 95
But we're in the wrong lane
And 100 will surely mean death.
The mirrors fixed on me for I care not what happens behind.
And all the note reads is "Look up Mulholland."
Ticks run out.
A few hours past due.
You will wake tomorrow late and rude.
The third hour awaits the man of no sleep.
You lack authenticity.
He protects all.
Forgives all.
No need for apology.
The top of the mountain oasis provides a discovery, a peace.
Even just the picture of the future streets and hills.

Look at the date.
Look at the date.
This must be the fate that September brings.

A 360 in sense, but not much of a turn around.
Déjà vu, but not born from dreams.
Will mates be mates and will friends be friends?
I am higher than.
With each creeping day the cup slowly fills with coins.
The water arises.
Black holes open.

In the act of building.

Like a roaring machine that exhales the most charming sounds.
I indulge in the splendor.
But orange lights flash.
Information has arrived.
When the notice arrives the cement truck spins with glory and pain.
Here we are again.
A call from the Governor I see.
We are standing with taped mouths and vicious eyes.
Our brains do the talking and it's not very nice.
Suddenly we encounter why we shut this operation down.
Too much energy.
No money.
Plenty of heedlessness.
And I marvel in its demise.

Spades

On an embankment of a city I see the ruins painted in autumn's colors.
They shine in a spring light.
Treasures for the world to see
And many do.
Would you mind if I stepped aside to capture it?
That's not me I thought.
I don't need to stand there to understand.
Desire to witness it, feel it, feel small again.
But as a dark sky stands on this embankment of dawn,
I can only lay here in my wondrous surroundings.
Idle walls of thought coexist with ideas of romance, travel.
Castles and Islands await the future king of hearts and queen of diamonds.

Bye World

Credit: Jonathan Gonzalez

"Bye World," it claimed.
With a warning that could never leave your sight.
The typical next to the questionable.
Who would write that?
Who stood here in such despair?
Brick wall seems fitting.
But if you turn around
You can see it standing right there.
The beauty and the observer.
"So powerful it was," we will think one day.
The laid out beaches and the canyon's rim.
Streets among ponds.
Against a water that never waned but swam us home.
A rocky surface that never subsides.
What we did with one blanket,
While the rain poured on the sea water and backyards,
A beauty hidden in warmth.
But it was so cold it seemed.
But cool as the ghost stood frozen,
Among grass fields that could steal you away.
And the waves here never stay quiet.
But I love it like that.
We never stay quiet.

A Song For All

You see it never went away.
We're just waiting for winter.
We're only a few months away.
A grey cloud up above.
A soft landing on your couch.
An intelligence that is brought out.
The break never felt so good without the work.
The music fills up the empty spots in between the stars.
And the film grains look sharper and become beautiful.
The ice cream tastes colder/The chocolate stays warmer
And every little corner has not been left out.
A light for all. A kiss for all.

I wish you could’ve seen Jesse’s victory.

Once again air refills my lungs as I am stopped short of falling over.
A quiet descent and reminder of how easy it is to live
And how easier it is to forget.
Our citizens drive by in a race against themselves.
We're scared of the streets.
We speed because we just can't get to the next place fast enough.
We're afraid to be looked at, to be asked for.
Do we hate to go outside?
Under the hot sun, the boiling pot pressure?
It's something we succumb to.
We are better.
All of us.

Fore

I'm not up to date runaway.
I don't know the lingo runaway.
I was too innocent runaway.
Farther distanced we become runaway.
And it can't be chance that it has slowed down like the other side of a climax.
Only breaths are heard.
Deep Exhales.
Photo album show me your surprise.
My face reflected in the screen or the plastic cover.
Did it really happen runaway?
One of the coveted you were and are runaway.
Spiced up life now.
Bed wish?
Under our blankets we lived.
But I don't believe you.
I forget what you sound like,
How we ever got along.

90 in the Summer, 85 in the Winter, But it's one of the coldest places around.

As the days add up they begin to build a calendar.
It feels like it was years ago.
A long time ago this all took place.
It's because I'm angry.
I'm still bitter
Because I didn't do any of the things they accuse me of.
The laundry list of shame.
Oh, how have I changed?
I am no traitor.

You believe me don't you?
Right judge?
You know I never did anything wrong.

Well, there is probably something defeating in my eye.
An iris of deceit.
A stare full of lies
But the lies are not mine.
What to do?!
There's a gloom outside
But not the kind I like.
And I'm standing right under as the clouds softly exhale the mist.
I am lightly showered with betrayal.
I better go inside and put on a jacket.

No Call and You're Back To Where You Were

I was standing on the balcony of the last floor of this 100 story high rise.
Drink in one hand, cigarette in the other.
Our eyes were gleaming at the vision in front of us.
The town below us.
The distance, almost endless.
You could see for miles.
We were at a party for one of the locals.
Mingling with others.
I was discussing with a friend about how my beer must have been the best tasting beer I had ever had.
He looked at me and laughed.
"It's pretty good, I must admit," he responded.
And suddenly, I was bumped into from behind.
My slightly numb hands released the bottle into a freefall over the railing.
We looked as the bottle, holding the great beer, begin a trip of sure catastrophe.
As it sunk the seconds passed along like minutes while the bottle flipped and spilled.
It was helpless and we were only worried for the people below.
We looked up and took one last glance over the horizon,
We stared once more into each others faces.
We looked down when my precious glass bottle,
Premature of a finished drink,
Shattered into a million pieces onto the concrete pavement below.
No one was hurt.
It was all alone.

Brilliance In A Small World

Here we go.
3 AM nights for the race.
Heart.
I better not get too far ahead here.
Any worry though?
Is there?
Nothing has been warranted yet.
The silence stays still.
Continuous in its motion.
But here comes the brilliance.
A step up.
Just a calming route.
Could you ever know?
That this sound could feature life.
As the night Christmas drive continues we are living in beauty.
You see those lights in the background?
Gorgeous.
When nothing matters.
You can forget the rest but you can see why.
Brilliance. Smile. Gorgeous.

Flood and Fly but Never Float

What chaos unforseen in death.
Extra thoughts.
A change in life.
A change in the way we live life.
Lost.
It's lost.
Yells and arguments.
Solidarity.
All of your fault.
More wanted.
Better off with?
I walk along this canal.
Faded water blue.
It all floats on.
Out.
You float out.
Like a feather.
Or a butterfly.
Until you cannot see the balloon anymore.
I hear they come back down though.
Yeah, I heard that once.
Wonder if it's true.
You could float on and on.

Spring Circus

So every Thursday we rode our buses to unforseen places.
If we didn't go last year then we would see it this year.
Remember the bare feet running atop the grass?
Cold and a little scared we were a family.
With CD players linked to our ears we all sang the same songs together for entertainment.
Like vandals we did what we liked.
Oh, how we survived under the grey clouds and skies.
It was all ok.
We were all ok.
In places of teaching we succeeded.

The Wreckage

Do you see that?
Up ahead.
The blaring lights and sounds.
There must be an accident.
Surely.
As speeders put weight on their brakes
As warned by apple red lights
The glimmer of hope arises within them.

Exit to the right.
Exit to the right.

We continue on somehow.
Through the creeping cars full of creeps themselves.
Surely with all this traffic and emergency something horrifying must have happened.
Merge.
Merge!
Merge our sick minds along together!
Pass the scene. Pass the scene!
You are free to move on! But you don't.
To the left your head is turned.
Your right foot slowly teasing your right pedal.
Blues and Reds dancing brightly with angst. 

In circles they warned you.
And oh how you love it!
The wreckage.
Creep on by it.
Creep.

Bright

Oh, Moon.
I can see you looking down on me
Behind those moving clouds,
That summer breeze.
The nights are getting colder,
The talks more intelligent.
The nights are getting quieter.
The crickets louder.
The antenna tower above the mountain is smothered by mist and fog.
Such moisture resting in the air.
The lights atop the mountain appear like fireflies.
Oh, dear Moon.
I think it smells of Autumn tonight.

360-5.mph

Where am I trying to go?
Where's the fire?
What's the rush?
Such impatience has not shown face since the autumn of the year before ours.
My windows are down.
The wind blows through out this machine with the force of a hurricane.
And my plastic indicator feels ready to spin all the way around but something is in its way.
We are all limited.
Right?
But all is well.
This beach front street and the desert canyon road both smell the same. Cold and aided.
Isn't it funny how we can all live in the desert, 
A hill away from an ocean,
yet never find the oasis?

Oh, but we have slowed down.
It was more like water splashed in your face.
And yes, even in our valleys, we are able to witness such discolor.
How foul.
But outside these morose walls live expectations that can be met.
You can see the hue peak just above the peak.
The breath of the city is cold but aided.
The city lights glowing on our ocean and under this city sky.

I toyed with them just to see what they'd do.
The failed to police themselves.
But I can smile.
I may not become overwhelmed.
I must police myself.

And I love to see so much through this stained glass window.
More than I can ever see through yours.
Oh, lord! I must become!
More than you.
And you will never know what I feel tonight.

No Matter

Sharing a hill with mansions and castles alike
I was stuck in the shade literally near the bottom.
Sharing a hill with the balance of power
we lived quietly among them in a pool of seemingly less importance.
And though only a few blocks away stood houses with pools, life seemed so different to the kid with the home upstairs.

You had your backyard and I had the parks.
You had the front yard and I had my driveway,
Cemented next to the 4 car garage of which we owned one spot.

Temporary.
Waste.
Ownerless.
One could say the patriarch failed us for lack of being special.
Man, a carpenter.
Woman, office.
Mediocrity.
I beg to differ their level of special.
And I never knew what it was like to fall into slumber in a room alone,
Decorated in style, a T.V. with my name on it.
I lacked the presence of man's best friend
Or the freedom of a high numbered decibel.
Yet different I felt.
And I suppose understandably so.
But lucky I was and am
Of the apartment in the sky
Of which laundry was washed in the same machine as strangers.
Or people on the same path.
It's all just the cherry on top of feeling so much different
Than the girl in the house next door.

Oh, Mother! Father!
Never once did you fail
At stockpiling the dinner table and blanketing my naked body.
Your beautiful souls may never know the utter joy brought by a never-ending "Yes"
And a loved heart and open mind to succeed with.

The closer I get the more the stars on the canvas become houses on the hill.

I want you to take a moment and capture your breath.
"This is how it's supposed to be," she thought.

"Why don't you ever kiss me like that anymore," she asked aloud.
She wore this sort of lost look in her eyes.

Now I want you to take a moment and capture your gasp.
The soft one you just took with that faint, lost look in your eyes.
"Why would he write about this?
Could he really remember?
I asked him with all I had left."

I will never forget.
This is where the movie climaxed.

It didn't end much longer after that.
I'll always remember that look in your eyes as if you were grasping me
And yells and screams that seemed to float out of your beautiful mouth to ears that could no longer listen.
Safety.
For safety!
This lifeboat was out to sea.
Too far for your painful pleas.
The signs lived for months prior.
I had sailed away.
Blindfolded it seemed. Deaf to all cries.
Nothing may be salvaged or saved once it's taken away.
And we were just on the edge of Christmas
Or so it seemed.
Possibly lost in a fairytale
Or a dream,
We woke up.

I want you to take a moment.

No one’s always famous, all the time.

Welcome to small town America.
It's quite quaint and quiet but we talk a little more.
This is Main Street.
A commerce filled boulevard of barber shops and butcher shops, blacksmiths and ice cream parlors.
Ah, can't forget the general store.
Empty streets and old cars parked in slanted parking spots, kissing the sidewalk.
Bright pale colors.
Reds, blues, greens, white.
White.
The smell of Autumn every day of the year.
A smile and a "Hello" behind every door.
And behind these brick walls of stores rests your new start.
Aisles and aisles of houses packed neatly.
Some quite old and some even newer but still aged.
On Maple Lane is where you will reside.
Over there, in the yellow one with the garage, that's Joey the barber's.
2 doors down lives Mike the butcher and wife.
And that house right there, in between them, with the white fence, that one's yours.
It comes equipped with a lack of responsibility, a fresh rep. and, most importantly, a jacuzzi for the long days.
Mrs. Adamsworth, from across the street, is jealous.
Everyone on the block already knows your name but don't fright, everything they said was nice.
Oh, and 4 doors down and across the street lives Melanie or Mel, whichever you prefer.
She lives in the cute little seagreen house with the white window panes.
She's the one that will take your vows one day and, don't worry, she's already got her eye on you.
She's got bright blonde hair and these big green eyes.
She likes jazz and Van Gogh, Back To The Future and Pleasantville.
She's never ruled out that her life could be like The Truman Show
and she loves the rain.
Gloomy days are perfect for anything and she's gotta sleep with the air conditioner on.
And as you dream she sees the skyline of Chicago, at night, from the 50th floor balcony.
She grew up on Boy Meets World and Family Matters, Home Improvement and MTV
And she's convinced that Football is divinely inspired.
Doesn't drink coffee much but will sip on your hot chocolate.
Her quarterback will always be Brett Favre and will wake with you to watch a 4 a.m. tennis match from the All England Club.
She likes sprinkles atop her ice cream and pizza is a love but her specialty is lasagna and for dessert, some carrot cake.
She'd rather eat at Mel's than McDonalds and a cozy night in is always one better than a night on the town.
Don't get her wrong though.
She's always down for a dance in the middle of central park under the city lights.
She listens to almost everything and her favorite CD is still Tragic Kingdom,
But any acoustic anything will melt her heart.
She votes Republican, I know you can't win 'em all.
It's only 'cause her mama does, but she spells God: L-O-V-E.
She doesnt mind seeing the world from the book sitting at the fireplace but would hop on the first flight to Palermo or Edinburgh or Dublin.
Did I mention that she loves the rain?
You're on your own from here and I know you know the way back.
This is the beginning of your new life.
Everyone here is so fond.
Just remember... The way back doesn't always lead home.
Never forget that...

Not in need of money but in need of love.

And as the sun leaves us empty of light for the day, this man is just looking for the next place to sleep tonight.
And off behind a wall he disappears but I am unable to empathize with the feeling he must be experiencing tonight.
Oh, how awful it must be to be homeless for the night or week or years or life.
Begging on the streets for a nickel or a dime or anything you got.
I'd give him my love if he would've taken it.
But he was just looking for a smile, not a stare.
Because he's no different than me.
Hell, I'm just a few bucks richer but with a whole lot more luck.
And my feelings, these feelings!, are based on selfish emotion.
I know what I have and how lucky I am to have it but it didn't take this moment to realize the beauty I live within.
I know that regardless.
It's just an observation of a lonely man, with a lonely night and a lonely heart.

Facade

Right there, on the grass, slept an old coffee cup and empty pack of cigarettes.
It was all used up and tossed.
It looked starved for food or attention.
Someones simple pleasure just layed there in a coma.
It looked so sad and thrown away.
And for some reason this grass just wasn't as green but this goddamn pack of smokes and starbucks just sat there.
Just used up for its good to make someone else smile and feel better.
A temporary flight into bliss.
And I swear it's crawling for help but its knees are too weak to walk.
Someone, here, abandoned this bliss like he took it for granted and gifted this patch grass with it.
Now let me clear it up that I'm not worried about the cup or the box or the litter it has become.
I'm worried that a coffee and a cigarette could ever really make someone smile.

Thought-Less.Less-Thought

And for the first time I can see the veins tunneling my blood from roadway to roadway.
Silently they flow like rivers into oceans.
Silt and water filled they dance down the hills into an open field of blue and space.
"Where to go," we think.
Just like them I think.
Juts like men I think.
No thinking here.
Think.
Thoughts drown out the sound.
CONFUSION.
It stands here.
Yet I can breathe.
With such ease my lungs can soak in the breeze and mist of the air above.
CONFUSION.
Nah.
No confusion here love.
I wonder what's more important?
The boardwalk on the pier to the empty sand and water,
Or the city's constant flight of light and sound.

Memories of the future.

The moon sits quietly glamorous in between the clouds.
The clouds appear like little puzzle pieces, scattered around a table, as they slowly come together to form a blanket over us tonight.
Yet, with all the clouds, the moon remains untouched.
The star that clings to it must be a million light years away,
But tonight it's just looking for a friend.

17 or 20 Stairs

A little patch of clouds under this velvet purple night.
They're surrounded by a sprinkle of stars from space
But they've yet to reach ground.
They are suspended in the night sky.
And if only I could turn off these city brights
And stare right into the star that shines the most light.

It's got me twisting words.

The higher you look up the darker the sky gets.
From the purple that sleeps atop the back of the mountain
to the black up above that seems endless with thought.
These stars appear frozen in time falling to Earth.
I am reminded of the peace we sleep under.
Look at the cloud now, it's disappeared.

Siren

I love this intersection,
And the simple lights,
And this left hand turn lane.
I can see some orange plastic and clear glass piled up nicely on the ground in front of me as I wait for the cars to pass.
This all gets a little more dangerous everyday.

In front of this light.

This light.
It flickers above the street as if to tell me something.
It's more of a blaring motion than a flicker... but it's just as moving.
And it's beautiful to watch and witness the structure we put up come alive on its own.
None of the other lights are talking tonight.
It takes my thoughts away.
This light is warning me of something.
It caught me from a distance.
Something peaceful.
Something in paradise.

Chapter 1

It's like flipping the last page of a book you just can't put down.
Reading that final sentence to tie up the story in a beautiful bow.
You go back to page 1 and read the first word and then back to read the last.
And you're sad you've read every little piece to the puzzle you've just put together.
But happy you've flown through this incredible story you'll never forget.

Farthest down, all the way to the right.

And it scares me.

Ever get weak knees?
Well, I got 'em.
Ever heard of weak feet?
Me neither.
I got those too.
I'm the sun of this physical disaster.
You see, I've felt pretty.
I've felt beauty.
I've felt gorgeous breathing upon my ear.
I've felt sight for years and years.
Standards only take seconds to begin yet last lifetimes.
Did you see what it looked like?
You would understand.

I've had my moments.

Oh, this is the time!
A dangerous time!
Of best and wonderful.
Too much time to think about one.
With caution signs alerting the driver of a chemical explosion up above.
It rains, pours, upon my vehicle.
But nothing is ending the collapse.
And the thoughts are all scattered.
But since when did selfish deserve organization?

Did I mention I've felt gorgeous breathe upon my ear?
As well as hot kissing up my neck?
And voluptious guide its hands to places once forbidden?
All for a shake of the hand. A pat on the back.
But our voices are never heard.
My the mind is mighty.
"The" is gone.
You would've died for a taste.
I killed for that handshake.
I'll be king of hidden potential.
I looked so good from afar...
But baby, I always look good in the mirror.

Remember.
The second you think you may take your hand and grab whatever it is you like, is the second before you are found not worthy enough to have any of it.
Remember.

A girl that goes to the movies, but watches the extras.

And I'll go to sleep without an imaginary kiss,
From the imaginary lips,
Of someone who doesn't exist.
For the first time in a long one I struggle to envision a face next to mine.
The face of a girl so wanderingly desired to think about before I succumb to slumber.
The portrait of a love to dream to,
while she sleeps soundly in another place.
Someone whose presence I will wish to be laying next to.
And whoever she may be will never know the thoughts of her, side by side with me, that I shut my eyes to.
But I will.

And whenever the night comes,
that I can finally kiss you, I will then
arise in the morning,
and kiss you once again.

Like a flight through part 2.

I swear the clouds looked a little different with that light shining through it.
It just had to get those beams out high enough where we could see them.
Maybe to try and show us something.
Scattered and chaotic they looked.
Maybe to try and tell us something.
But don't fright love.
It is only a matter of time before order is restored to the clouds, the skies, our life.

"I can’t help it. All I hear when you’re crying is laughs."

I am fearful for your life if you ever decide to open your mouth.
This stays here.
But somehow I know once they ask you the truths will spill out of the bucket.
Your hand will then let go of every rebuilding effort.
All that we've done will stand for only the 5 minutes you were willing to put in over there.
5 minutes.
We'll forget all of that in 5 minutes.
I don't know where you went.
What route did you take?
Because I left after you did and I'm here waiting for you.
I'm sorry love.
Take my jacket.
You're looking a little cold.

I predicted this a few weeks before the outing.

These tactics are becoming like the air we breathe in this city of the angels.
They seem more reserved for children of the age of G.I. Joe's and Sing-A-Longs.
Not a thing can alter the mind.
Did you know that?
It's set to default and no one has the password.
You pride on being so close to God.
Oh, sweetie, you're so close.
They pride on slamming their gavel to silence the critics and critique.
There's no room between you two for difference to breathe.
For both of you rule in your own domain.
And you do it well.
But you can't leave home.
You send them to cells like dogs in a pound.
"They all look the same and they can all be replaced!"
It's that simple isn't it?
Simplistic idea.
Damn I bet that cakes tastes good.

A wisp of color in black and white.

I'm like a bullet idle in a magazine ready for its chance to fly.
I'm like a bomb waiting for the gun powder to trickle down to my eruptive explosion.
But Sweetie, I am not filled with anger.
I'm filled with beauty! ready to burst with a touch of potential.
I want to shower my surroundings in ashes of color.
I want the oxygen to turn blue.
And the mountains to turn green.
I want the moon to be white.
And the sun a yellow... with a touch of red and orange of course.
I want the ocean a teal.
The night sky slightly purple with a bright yellow stars like the pictures in a fairytale.
I want the clouds to be puffy pillows hanging from strings.
And the sidewalks to feel like a bed.
I want the fish to fly and the birds to swim.
The animals should talk and the trees should dance.
Knights in shining armor and princesses waiting for their kiss.
I want to get inside of your imagination and bring it all out and spread it all around for the world to see.
I want you to think and breathe.
I am a balloon ready to fly wherever the wind will push me until I burst all the beauty to those down below.

I love you all.

Light.Sensation

Oh, how I can see thee more simple.
With fields of golden grass and the fences that divide.
The wooden ones we just hop over.
Because we don't believe in telephones.
Why should we when a run to your yard will do?
Oh and how simple we had it!
The sun in the morning and the moon in the evening.
And all the chaos in between.
I'm on 100. How many stars have you counted?

Failure @ Peace Four Your EXISTence.

Oh! What difficulty!
To see it but close your eyes to it.
To hear it but ignore everything it means.
The struggle to accept. This struggles to object.
And I know it exists. I do.
History may not show the logic. It'll show you the dreams.
But because the stat book doesn't show it doesn't mean it never happened.
And I catch it but I throw it right back.
Because I don't want it.
And that's the struggle entirely.
A lose-lose.
For such ease in which it creeps up on me.
It creeps me out.
But did it even creep? No.
But I did creep you.
It had it's drive.
It, this beautiful it.

It: A hint. It: A hint.

The day breaks in Burma.

They say it's 20 but it's more like 100.
The dead are thrown into rivers.
The living wait.
But at 135 mph we are too slow to run.
So we do with what we can.
But it's not fast enough or enough.
But I think we think slow.
Get it?
And as the morning breaks, we sleep sound never knowing the chaos that prevails on the east side.
But Lord! How we must have it in our case!
But our case came and we never showed up.
We're a few years too late.
And if only I could hop on the first flight out of here.
To tune to a television where I'd hear something relevant.
Not to hear explanations of candidates who've got more chance for them than I do,
From people whose oppurtunities exceed mine as well.
Oh, how I feel a shame ready to creep up and blanket our well being.
"...but your kids are gonna love it."

The exit’s that way.

So why the mad rush?
I am humbled by the slow speed.
You've such a sense of urgency
That's something I don't need.
We can now realize the effort in our streets.
The flowers on the wall.
We can now notice the alarm of the red and all it represents.
And with all my acceleration you don't stop to think.
The deceleration is merely an act surrounded by moats I keep wanting to jump into.

...she doesn’t wear any wings.

And the alarms go off in the head.
You've known forever what to do when this happens.
You know how to wait.
You know not to do this if it's not right.
You know that you should never let anyone tell you "I love you," against you.
You know how to brush it off even though you're dying inside.
You've learned how to keep the tears back for the less deserving.
You know not to talk to strangers.
Not to let them talk you into getting closer.
And you know that promises are just words from one person to another, or many.
You know that we won't be here forever.
But you know that you gotta soak in every breath in life.
You know that gleaming comes natural.
And you know that anyone daring to diminish that glaring smile has no place in that seat next to you.

And this isn't a case of realizing what you had.
Because you've known it all along.
It's a case of wondering whether or not you could be perfect for her.
But trying too hard to accomplish it.
And then attempting to live life knowing that you are indeed perfect but showing her the wrong way.
But by now she's convinced you're all wrong. You're no place close to where she once held you.
But there's some damn thing about you that makes me think twice.
Not because I'm doubted... but because you're deserving of nothing less. (Beauty)

Beautiful.Smile.Ascend.Fly.Eyes.Stare.Music.Laugh.Listen.Watch.Witness

Classified: This is hush-hush

Oh, man. I took this for granted.
I'm sure I signed this in blood.
I sure did something.
And I have no right to complain but I need to touch this pen to paper.
You can listen up as I drive away to somewhere far.
You hear that?
I didn't think so.
I only hear the sound scratching across my window and the music in stereo.
So, don't ask me for anything because I won't ask you.
I'll just wait to see if 2 works out.
That'll decide whether 1 is something we've taken for granted.

Sometimes this street stays quiet. Sometimes it roars like a race track.

And amidst the chaos they'll never realize the beauty they are swimming in.
It'll never feel as fresh than when you first dove in.
And I hate to say it but you're so close yet so far away.
I'm a minute too late but a phone call away.
Now it's my hands tied behind my back.
But they're still your eyes that are too heavy to see.
Closed from an overdose of water and a lack of sleep.
"Thank you," you'll say.
You've now realized the beauty you were swimming in.

Whose help did you need now?

I hear all that smoke makes you break, out.
Is that why you're letting your roots grow out?
And those nails don't look so good anymore.
Do they to you?
Oh, man. I am in tears for you as I can see your eyes on the verge of bleeding.
It must be hard to smile under all the turmoil.
Then again, it's probably easier to smile than to cry.

And to 6 I am Crazy

You better put it away son.

What?

The piano.

Why?

Just put 'em away son.

What?

The keys to the piano.

My hands?

The sounds that make you sensational.

Oh, but I'm feeling inspirational!.. and no one can hear me.

I’m looking for a shift in the variation.

It's dark outside.
So take me inside and underground.
Show me something new.
The world's full of the riches that we are all fighting for.
I can't wait to see them.
Show me the underground lights.
I have never been.
Take my hand and show me something I've never seen.
Warm me up in this cold bed,
But keep the table lamp on.
I want to see your face in the pale light reflected on the wall.

One Step, Two Many

I believe it was the twelfth night when I did it again.
I swung the door open but didn't let you in.
And I looked you in the eye
and said, "This is how I feel."
You said you wouldn't cry
But you began to appeal the very first emotions that you carried towards me.
You must've thought if I was this unsure then why shouldn't you be?
But I never let my heart speak.
My head did all the talking.
And if you've ever known me for longer than a day you know that my heart's the leader of the pack.
And that my head roams somewhere lonely in the back.
I've invented this doubt that's now lodged in your head.
And I want to get it out because on my part it's dead.
Mr. Simple has complicated life.
All in trying to show you me.
But you've got the wrong idea.
I promise you do.
I don't think you're scared of all you've said you are.
I think your scared that you could possibly give someone your heart and that every twelfth night they'll give it right back.
But I know what I want.
And I find it in you.
I dare you to look me in the eye and tell me you don't feel something too.

A Bite of a Caramel Granny Smith.

And from 1491 it must have always been instilled
In the minds of the afraid, the no answered, the unchanged.
So let's shut down the culture!
It's as easy as I say.
Let's demand the books they read
But never turn the page.
I don't even know what day it is.
Weekend doesn't carry much meaning within.
Structure is overrated. Formalities are ugly.
How dare me talk back to you.
So write some rules that banish us to our bedrooms.
And have us salute to each other because somehow a wave just won't do.
Let's tell them everything you're afraid of is sin.
Because what you don't know should never be happening, be explored.
Questions about where we go when we die.

.?.?.?.

Does it really matter where you go when you die?
...If you lived here 80 some odd years and did nothing in life?
But did you ever really live?
You know, walked out of your front door onto the edge of a cliff?
...That was covered in the grass from your front lawn?
...The grass that you just couldn't dare step on?
Pass some laws.
That'll make you feel better.
But who's gonna stop me?
From joining the rebellion?
We'll sneak through our windows to find truth, to bloom.
Ignore these words of fine teaching and liberation
And set them on fire in some sort of celebration for ending the disease.
Set them on fire so that no one in their right mind could ever aspire to be more than what you wanted them to be.
Hell, more than you could ever think of.
Take these ideas and say, "That'll be the day."
That'll be the day.
And never admit that it's you with the problem.
Blame all the others for not being one of yours.
But you have no color.
You bleed in black and white.
But there is one thing you have right.
I am not one of yours.
And I never will be.
For red is what I bleed.
I can breathe.
I am free.

You see, there is nothing wrong with the way it was.
There's something wrong for stopping the way it may be.
Take a bite of this apple and open your mind.
And proclaim that beauty is never found in black and white.

Explore.Communicate.Question.Observe.Create.Love.Color.Beauty

To the tune of a brand new station.

I have these routines.
Break them.

Thoughts of the way it's supposed to be.
Break them.

A simple utopian complication.
Break it.

Ideas of pleasure from structure.
End it.

For every rose blooms differently.
Not one the same.
Anyone has a different story.
Adjustments must be made.
One can never believe 2 roses take the same amount of water.
How foolish.

I ran away from home and you never called my name.

And I will be the first to say I ruined any normalcy.
I am not hiding.
I just feel my words are deafening.
They carry little meaning on the the other side.
And don't you think I'd tell you if I knew?
You really don't understand.
But that makes two of us.
Am I too far gone?
Or too far up ahead?
You must wonder where the road turned.
When did I get so fast?
I'm sorry you're forced to peek through the hole in the fence.
I'd tear it down if it didn't stand so tall.
It's tough for me to spread my attention among this sea of people while trying to stare down one.

I will rocket you into the sky.

With your hands tied behind your back you can only move your eyes.
But even they hurt to see.
For they have no drain or sleep.
And I know it hurts to watch the rock atop the mountain tumble while you watch from a distance.
Praying for its submittance to the weaker rocks below.
There’s nothing to be said.
Just a silence among them.
And at times a squeak may be too loud.
And I love my words but for the first time I am without them.
Yes, even a squeak just seems too loud.

I can open my mouth only to find it dry.
I can open my eyes only to see terrified.

The starters of the chain reaching the end of theirs.
But many years have past. Times of hard work and endless laughs.
And at the end of the day that’s all that mattered.

I am the hinge in between this see-saw.
And both of you sit on my hands.
The ones that push you back up.
But this time around the see-saw lays flat.
Both sides inches from ground.
But when you hop back on once more I will rocket you into the sky.
And sweetie, this see-saw will fly. 

...rose.sand.water...

I feel smaller than you will ever know. 
For I can not live up to my own tragedies.
And I’m more than just guilty of falling over.
There have been numerous ties but few lead changes.
And now you’re so preconceived.

I am not like the others.

But planes don’t fly backwards.
And I’ve cut down the wrong tree.
And now we’re both struggling to breathe.
But I’m just too afraid to end up on that list.
And reassurance goes to waste.
Sometimes the reassurance comes from within.
At certain times that is the only way to know that you’re not unhinged.
Unlike the rest of them.

And I don’t have a molecule left in me to give to you.
But what do you do with the puppy you find but know you can’t keep?
It’s something more than you could ever feel.
But I know that you do.

I picked you up off the floor only to let you fall once more.
Let me take this disgust. I’ll keep it around me.
I’ll keep it like treasure.
It’s the only way I know it will never reach you again.

Have you ever loved something so much that you didn’t want to just give it every single thing you could ever give?
And anything less wouldn’t be fair or enough or worthy?
Oh! You’ve taken this one too far.
No one’s laughing anymore.
I had you hop in the wrong rollercoaster line.
This one shakes and rattles.
This time you’ve taken this too far.

I should’ve left you in line until I was done on this journey.
I’d freeze you if I could. But that isn’t real.
Unacceptable.
Never doubt the love but doubt the doubts.
Some things you could never understand.
I love you more than you’ll ever know.
This me just isn’t the me I’d like you to see.
You’re like ivory.silver.pearl.rose.sand.water.air.light.love

I don’t watch much TV, but I swear I’d watch you for hours.

And ever since that melody when I realized my jazz.
I saw and felt all that I wanted to see and breathe.
And it was the expression of my heart.
Harmonic freedom,
But I could see it when I closed my eyes.
It came in chaos and in peace.
Noise.
Animation.
Nonsense.
Cities.
Dirty electricity.
Fog and fire places.
Bricks And Castles.
Pleasing acceleration.
When all is right.
Lights.
Night.
Stars.
Steering wheels and my foot on the pedal that never let go.
Before the sun begins to sleep.
Early morning, and the reverb, and ever increasing volume and the smooth fall from space.
Space shuttles.
Moons and planets.
Sometimes you have to forget to remember.
And everytime I hear this jazz, my love.
When I intake these scents!
And I close my eyes and see the lights of the city from my balcony of my skyscraper apartment.
I look up to see the sky. A silent mirror. The stars a reflection of the lights below them.
Brilliance sweetie, brilliance.
And I could settle for a street lamp.
But I never thought to see this accompanied.
I always wished for presence.
But could never find one.
And I think, I'd love to go there, and I will not go alone.
I love you and you will come with me//
Sleep in love.jazz.harmony we will.
Harmony. I've heard that word all my life but today I realized what it means.

Sunday Best

Kind of like sun-roofs to the people at the bus stop.
Sort of like kissing someone new in front of your old.
It’s something so meaningless.
Made to cover up what’s underneath,
But they hide more than just bodyparts.
And it’s as if this writing is comparable to it.
"To express," they claim.
Son, I’ll show expression.
It’s a little story about yourself.
You can’t buy it
Or see it in patterns.
The patterns are seen everywhere but they change in a similar pattern.
Get it?
Stolen from others you simply express them.
Stolen from factories you leave them behind to bleed.
Show me a man whose sunglasses earned him a friend and I’ll show you a man who never had any soul.

A Never Ending Never Never Land

Toys and candy you eat.
Toys and candy.
It’s so good that you’ve stopped eating what you have at home.
But the refrigerator door is open.
And I swear you’re letting the cold out.
Soon, the ice will melt and the milk will spoil.
And what will you drink?
You will die of thirst.
You seem to get enough liquid.
Yet you will die of thirst.

Ms. Overlooked and Overdrawn & Miss Over Fucked and Over-done.

I hate you.
I hated you from day 1.
All from the start.
I killed your dreams.
I stepped on your heart.
And your shoe laces so you couldn’t move.
I wanted you stuck in your place.
Away from danger.
I knew you’d sink into the level they’re at.
We’re at ten thousand feet.
They’re below sea.
I fed you poison.
You drank my tears.
You swallowed every last drop.
I hated your feet, your legs.
Your eyes, your smile.
Your holes, your thoughts.
Your joy, your life.
I’d tell you where all this hate has come from but I’d hate you more for knowing.
I hate your silence and your ignorance.
I hate your words.
Your laugh, your jokes.
Your drunk and your high.
To think I loved you when there was simply no love at all.
I love you.

...These Hands Will Fly You Home.

And I could fill these pages up with words of your description.
They would speak of the beauty you possess,
Gleaming from your mouth, your eyes.
And I could sit here on this Pasadena hill with you and look upon the city lights,
while we indulge in the jazz inspired melodies that play through the night.
There’s something quite warm about this summer night... and sweetie, it’s not the weather.
And since honesty seems to be the tone I cannot lie of how you’ve taken me by surprise.
I could stare into your eyes and not look away until you do.
I still wouldn’t though.
You absolutely amaze me.
Simply, because I don’t have to say a word to know that you know.
With a quick steal of your stare, I know that you know.
With the way you hate to say goodbye.
And I feel like I’m cheating.
Looking ahead a bit.
Glancing over the cliffside.
I can see your grace. Your absolute presence.
And I’m simply lucky to see how much beauty one person can have.
It’s almost as beautiful to watch.
And that smile never dies. That smile is contagious.
And I crumbled under "Reason and rational."
But things should be dealt without logic.
For logic provides questions but hearts provide answers.
And I apologize for kick starting the whirlwind.
I never meant to confuse.
This King of Hearts was simply frightened.
Could I provide?
But what would you do if you found a golden egg?
...away from its mother?
You’d do everything to make sure it got home safely.
But I am your home.
And it doesn’t matter how fast it took you...
Just how you got home.
Safe and sound. Safe and sound.
Words are simply words.
Response is everything.
Trust your protection. Trust in the absence of all doubt.
Trust that I am present.
You see, they’re always going to find ways to keep us down.
As if we must put on some show to all those who’d rather see us frown.
It’s us against the world.
You are safe in these hands and...

Sweetie, you should wear more make-up. Cover up some of those scars.

And just like a cavity you’re a hole that only gets bigger.
The foreign objects that penetrate your lungs build walls of plaque up all around you.
These walls weren’t built to last.
They’re ready to collapse,
But you’ll pick them back up.
Just like you always do.
They’ll only keep you down.
Just like they always do.
The bone begins to shatter.
The hole deepens.
Yet your problems don’t have much depth.
And you cover it up like a blanket does a bed.
The one you sleep under to dream away the pain.
But sleep is temporary. Morning comes too quick.
Speak.
It’s so much easier to deal.
Never let them tell themselves the truth about you.
Cavities never get smaller.
I’m scared for you.
Sacred to my heart.
I’m scared for your life.
You’ve just begun to fall apart.
I hope they reach you before you fall in.
They’re going to have to pull you out with the rest of them.
You’re like a band-aid hanging off a cut.
Grass that doesn’t grow.
A song that ends too soon.
A toy with dead batteries.
A guitar without strings.
A clock that doesn’t tick.
I hope they’ll dig you up.
Leave them down.
Have it all patched.
And you never look back.

Palermo

Scratch through the surface.
Tell me what you find.
I never did give the most popular answer.
I’m great with my words but stutter through pressure.
Honesty seems only existant in ourselves.
But there is nothing but sincerity in my cold words.
I have not but one lie in my millions of truths.

 To say that I am anything but scared would be wrong.
Scared of what you are and how good you can be.

We’re on 2 different ships headed to two neighboring cities.
Mine has been flooded and lit up to light the night.
Yours is just a small town ready to grow.
I’ve been slowly rebuilding as you are simply beginning to build.
But one day our lands will merge to create the greatest city you could ever see.
With the tallest buildings and the brightest lights.
Just like we wanted. Just like we planned.
I saw it from day 1,
but we haven’t been around for long.
And it scares me that this young
we could possibly find our one.

A whirlwind of thoughts

And I could lay here and listen to it for hours as it blows on the outside.
It’s the clearest it’s been in months.
You can see the dark blue hue sleeping across the top of the mountain.
The bold horizon of the city.
I know that you don’t miss it but the wind has just reached me.
I would’ve stolen it if I could’ve.
It’s great to hear the things that don’t matter being tossed around the streets.
Getting knocked over.
Reminders of all that does matter to me.
Remember the new outlook to kill the darkest of days?
And the beauty you couldn’t help but see in everything?
It’s a challenge to even come up with words to imitate such life and motion.
Well, you can’t remember because it was all inside of me... and still is.
Only I think one can relate.
I must’ve missed the day from when the banana’s turned ripe,
and this windy night,
and fell in love.

Because of you I know my way around here

I am taken back.
To a time when all that existed was loud nights, rainy weather and winding roads.
Where only one thing mattered.
Where we went to get away.
Where it only took one road to get there.
And this song on the radio.
These songs on our radio.
To find ourselves and everything we had never seen before.
And sweetie I kissed you in this foggy weather.
We discovered this city.
Just me and you.
From the clothes on our backs to our shows on television.
Just to represent the times.
When nothing meant the world.
Our time.

It’s Quite Humbling

As the rain falls off the edges of the lamp posts,
the leaves right under twirl in a dance with the wind.
And the trees wave at me as if to calm.
And as these tear drops lightly shower my windshield I know that everything's okay.
That it will all be okay.
My lights are mirrored in the streets.
And as it all moves together I am reminded of something bigger than me.
Bigger than all of us.
A movement.
Motion.
And darling it's quite humbling.

IgnorITYS: A Tale of the Stupid and Smart.

Once upon a time, in a land far away from here, lived a giant on top a of a hill.
He oversaw the villages and the cities and all that stood still.
He was bigger than everyone. He yelled louder than all of them.
The giant was in charge of clouds, the rains, and the wind.
He laughed at whoever was below him, people who thought they could dethrone him.
And though he sounds mean, he was all anyone wanted to be.
He stood 10 feet tall.
Ate whatever was in sight.
He was sure he would never fall.
Not without a fight.
It would take something, a movement larger than him to take him down.
There was nothing of his size in this remote, little town.
Well you see, the giant had ruled for what seemed like ages.
Year after year he stood atop that hill.
He always had one message, no matter how cruel he ruled, the citizen's would not be happy without him. They wouldn't be guided without him. OO
Well, after a while he began to get lazy.
He stopped looking for details.
And that's when the chaos started brewing.
People began doing what they wanted.
Rules didn't apply anymore.
He only took his eyes off them for a second, but the town had created the most beautiful plan ever created.
Take him down they would, take him down they would.
They surrounded the hills around him.
They camped out on his edges for what seemed like months.
And he knew they were there. But he never did anything about them.
Well, you see, the plan was to kill him. Take him down with all their might.
"Anything goes."
So, all the townies attacked. The giant awoke to a view of an empty city and a mountain full of townies running towards him.
He didn't fright, but neither would he fight.
And the first person to reach him, he grabbed.
He held him in his hand and threw his fist in the air and the townies freaked.
They were scared of what he would do to their loved one or all of them.
He put him back down and walked away.
He just didn't care anymore.
You see, the giant knew the whole time what was cooking up around him.
And he knew that he could not be on top forever.
And the man he grabbed asked him one question?
"Why didn't you kill me? or eat me? or any of us?"
And the giant didn't respond.
He let the townies live the way they wanted. He set them free.
And he walked away beyond the horizon.
He was looking for something new.
You see, he had noticed all the details and the potential uprising, he just didn't care to do anything about it.
As for the townies, they visited other cities and valleys and villages.
They mingle with the others who have been oppressed by the giant or other giants.
But they weren't as happy without the giant atop his hill.
"I told you so," the giant said.

Oh baby! I knew you had the distance, but I didn’t know you could run this far

And as quick as the stars fly they circle me and zoom around me!
All too quickly I see all that I had been missing.
The message too meaningful for words.
But simply stated says, "Look at what's ahead. Afraid and alone are behind you."
Cries of boredom. Sad tales of the lonesome.
And they spin and they spin!
Around me they jet past.
Sentences in bits and pieces!
Words of truth, love.
Truth, love.
And they're so bright and crisp.
Gold and silver.
I see it all now.
Goodbye! you old, empty room.

The Princes of the Paupers

If I could take this excess life and harness it then you wouldn't sleep thirsty tonight.
Where I live there is such a thing as too much good.
You can find it on the ground or in the wrong colored trash bin.
I'd take this infernal machine and blow it up with its own blood so you could sleep sound.
I'd tear down all that touches the sky and all who wish to at the expense of you.
Cities would be flattened. The villages would rise.

"Every dream you’ve dreamt, you bought."

There are places in the world where the lights don’t work.
Places where money’s worse than tight.
There are places where the rain never pours.
Where they don’t eat or sleep at night.
All for our designer clothes.
All for a nation on designer drugs.
Places where the citizens kill to learn.
Not shoot up their schools in an attempt to burn an image into the news watchers brains of a supposed problem of bullys and scars.
Cry baby, cry.
They don’t fight to fight.
Their words are for speaking. For communication. For life.
Words of real pain, hunger and strife.
Places where they’d kill for food to eat.
But there are places where they kill food for looks and frolic.
People with toys under their pillows that pray for a fight; Sick.
A land that was mis-labeled "Free."
Where they punish people for their "wrong" creed.
Or place of descent, their blood, their inversion.
"There’s really no bigger thought of perversion."

Selfless acts taken for granted by "self."
All that is wrong. All that is wrong.
A time when there are places too close to hell.
All that is wrong. All that is wrong.
Places where you are better off stuck in a cell.
All that is wrong. All that is wrong.
A time and a place where nobody’s well.
All that is wrong. All that is...
...Tied around your neck while you sleep in your house.
On a Spanish named street in the poshest of towns.
A sign of the wealth and the money you bring.
Your car, your shoes, the body you’re in.
It’s a place where the streets are paved in gold.
Laced with diamonds, from a cave, where they’re sold.
So that you can look pretty with the blood that you stole
from the diggers who have been digging since they were 4 years old.

Thanks, Dallas

And it seems the truth of it all means that we are all liars.
And the liars always have the most beautiful smiles.
How else can they hide honesty?
Hearts are all the same.
Yours no different than mine.
But it’s how we choose to act on it all that makes us... us.
If trust is like blood to a heart then lies are like water in your lungs.
Look at you. Those gorgeous eyes. Those cute dimples.
Blind are we.
Blind.
If only I could take you into further into time,
So you could see what really gets you far.

Above the Sky there are Sparks of Life.

Where did it go?
...whatever was holding me up?
I don't feel.
The sky's still blue and the trees sway while the wind pushes life around the air.
But where's that purpose and reason?
...the door opener to the skies?
I still see the beauty.
I just can't feel it.

Rude.

Where did it go?
...whatever was holding me up?
I don't feel.
The sky's still blue and the trees sway while the wind pushes life around the air.
But where's that purpose and reason?
...the door opener to the skies?
I still see the beauty.
I just can't feel it.

Everything They Thought They Wanted

Farther back it looks.
What a perspective.
The lights are little raindrops of life on a desert city of death.
Our city: Buildings planted into our hills like sticks in dirt.
But they're so alive.
They dance to a beat//
The beat here ticks a little faster though.
The clocks are pushed ahead.
Its hands tied up in the future.
Each light has a tale, an owner, a fight. 
One day I'll have one
And it will shine bright.
Fight.Care.Save.Live.Breathe.
I move with my own tune, tempo, rhythm.
It's a little slower,
but I swear it sees more.
Stop to think.
Stop to breathe.
Stop to smell, and taste and see,
All that we are surrounded by.
All the beauty in the world.
I wish for you to take it from the outside.
Look in.
I see peace and positivity.
And hurt and pain.
Hate and evil.
Dead and alive.
Love.
And all the people searching for it.
We are all the same people looking for the all same thing. 
As I move closer to this ocean I see you.
Standing there, cold and winded.
If only you would have stopped to breathe before.
Stopped to see what you had been missing.
"If only" is too late but now is forever.
Speak of this to the others.
There's a long way to go before they realize the lights
and the buildings and cities are nothing more than...

22

And you're a glimmer of hope.
Like a light at the end of the tunnel.
And maybe I'm sorry?
Because there's not much holding me back anymore
from getting my hands dirty.
Thoughts and ideals are cute for show.
In practice they become strained and difficult.
But that never mattered 'till now.
And I'm at a crossroads.
It seems there is not much reason anymore to stick to my path.
Why not go down this road? The road we will all take but I have hesitated to walk on.
Why not?
Truthfully, because I know there's something better.
Something I have witnessed and felt. That something has kept me here.
Time ridicules patience.
I'm seeing it turn red.
I dream a lot of dreams and I think a lot of things.
Oh, how I'd like to let myself go.
But I hold on to you like that glimmer of hope that you are.
Like a child does a balloon.
And it's hard to let go because what you wanted goes flying away.
And you may not always be the reason why I stay,
but right now you are.
And I'm scared to fail the transition
and give up all of my wishes.
I do this for me and only me.
So, I don't ask for a damn thing.
I'm not sure I want to lose my way.
But how much longer shall I wait?

Don’t justify.

Don't justify yourself for anyone
because they just won't understand.
Never explain or give reason.
You are who you are because that's who you are.
And it doesn't matter how you got there or why,
Because you're already there and that's not changing.
So, the people that love you will accept what you give them.
And the people who don't care will attempt to figure you out.
For I am me and simply me.
I wear my heart on my sleeve,
my face, my eyes,
my ears.
Test it. It's stronger than you might think.
Regardless of the many people who need to understand,
I stand here the loneliest.
At the end of the day it's only me who can comprehend me.
I long for the day that someone else does.

City

Oh, how I love this city.
But because there must be something more.
What more could you want?
I can stand here, on the top of this frozen mountain and see the ocean, blue and calm.
But the people here are as cold as the ground I step on.
It’s hard to find yourself here, while everyone’s staring.
It’s hard to find yourself when everyone looks the same.
We are all the same.
Not a smile on their face.
Not a truth in their handshake.
And what is it even that we’re all searching for?
After all, we are the makers of dreams.
The one’s you see on T.V.
Well, this town sure ain’t full of nightmares.
But that’s exactly what it is.
I’ve seen the other side and it’s quiet there.
It’s calm.
But with the trash comes intelligence.
Experience.Learning.People.Culture.Life
I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
It’s not that I want to set it on fire, as much as I’d like to see the sparks burn brighter onto the cities around us.
City, surround us.

Looks Like Gold

How do you put a face on love?
Don't lie. We all do it.
We can't live if our mustard isn't as yellow as sunflowers
or if our bread isn't as white as snow.
Why is it so natural to want something so pretty yet reject all that is ugly?
But of course, beauty is different to all of us.
But almost all of us hate the thought of ugly in our lives.
Well, you're beautiful. All of you.
Just for being who you are.
That's beautiful and that's love.
Don't put a face on it.
There's no such thing.

Caught in my lie you smiled so innocently.

And I was so condescending.
So rude. So vile.
All just to get a frown out of you.
Just to feel better about mine.
And what did you do to deserve my dirty mouth and hands?
A couple of touches by a couple filthy pair of lips is how it started. That's all you were guilty of. Nothing.
Well, it takes two.
I was caught red handed.
And I took my punishment.
In shame. Red faced was I.
But you said it was okay. And I followed you. I believed you.
For only a second. I lashed out. I fought. I screamed. I was a fool. A child. A loser.
I pushed and pulled and hit and cried.
I was the maker of nightmares. Made in a factory of love.
And you were a witness in the way. A friend to a sad soul.
I was there. I was. Just not as much as you had thought.
You did nothing wrong.
An angel you were. In the hands of a devil.

On This Cold and Windy Night.

Sit in your car.
The windows up and the engine running.
Scratch your ticket of chance and fortune.
Did you win anything?
And the other.
Stand on the street corner,
on this cold and windy night.
Put your few dimes and nickels in the slot and pick up the phone to dial.
Where are you going tonight?
Where did it all go so wrong?
He tells you you're beautiful but you think you're ugly.
It's because he hasn't looked you in the eye in 10 years.
Those eyes.
The one's that sob because you simply didn't get what you wanted.
Life never worked out exactly how you had expected.
Well, I hope it gets better. I do.
So you, on the corner, make your walk back to the bus station.
And you, in the car, turn the key in your ignition.
Oh, how I wish you wouldn't cry, on this cold and windy night.

Thank you.

And you were the one I grabbed
as the floor gave way in this room full of people.
And did you let go? You never let go.
You pulled me up.
And as the chaos simmered, as the smoke cleared,
I can see that everyone is still down.
They're not moving.
Except for you.
You still have that smirk on your face.
And somehow I know exactly what you're thinking.
"What's with the over dramatics and the tears?"
Life's for laughing.
And so I helped you up.
And we looked at the fallen and laughed.
Because with you I just laugh. And that's okay.
It's always okay.
When no one gave me a second glance you gave me a smile,
your ears,
your hands.

I loved you. I did.

As you sleep tonight,
I am sorry for the grief I put you through.
The unfortunate victim behind a lie and a touch of lips.
I only did what I thought was right only to come up empty handed.
I can do the "I never meant to..."
And it sounds nice but I won't, because I meant to.
I never faked a smile.
I never faked a laugh.
I always spoke sincere.
But I was far away. My heart with you, but for someone else.
And for that I speak to you my remorse.
Never did I lie.
I slept silently, comfortable in the house you made for me.
To this day and for all of the rest of them I will keep praise of you.
I'm always quick to defend.
There's no way you will ever know how much you changed me and in that respect I thank you for it. Life wouldn't be the same.
You were too selfless as I was too selfish.
I loved you. I did.

On A Foggy, Stormed Beach

The sun rises behind me,
just enough to make out your words.
Because I must read lips,
As I cannot hear you.
But my eyes are too heavy to see.
I've been up all night.
Yell! Yell! You are too far away.
I couldn't tell you yesterday,
that I would be standing here today.
Standing like this.
Man, I didn't see it. I'm lost.
As you walk away to find yourself,
I become stranded, while I find the truth in life.
But what I find is the evil and I hope it's a lie.
I look for the good and I must imply,
There's something dangerous lurking tonight.
Irony.
Tonight! Tonight, the most beautiful night.
Is there anyone out there? Does anyone see what I see?
Show me your face. Take off the disguise.
Touch me with love. Don't touch me with lies.

"Are you cool with just tonight?"

And how could I not be sorry?
I let you pass in front of me.
You went straight and I took a sharp left.
I almost flipped.
I never called you to tell you where I was headed or why.
I drove so far that I couldn't turn back, as if my wheel was stuck or like I didn't know my way back.
Well, I did.
But sometimes you pass the point of no return
Or at least you think you do.
When I turned I saw bright lights up ahead.
They were so shiny. It was so pretty.
You just kept driving.
Always stopping and asking for directions but your eye never left the mirror.
Well, let me tell you.
When I finally got arrived the lights turned off.
All of a sudden I couldn't see anything.
There really wasn't much to see.
It wasn't so pretty without the colors and life.
And what sucks is that it took me so long to get there.
I did pick up a lot on the way though.
I saw so many different things. Tried everything they thought I wanted.
Things that were definitely not on our route.
So am I sorry I made that left?
How could I not be sorry?
Well, I'm on my way back to meet you now.
I don't know how you're gonna take it.
Or how we will.
I'm back where I made my left.
And I'm turning back towards you and I'm going as fast as I can.
It's such a pretty route. It's just different. You can't speed by here.
I know when I get there though you'll stop to say, "Hello."
With open arms and a kiss... you are too quick to forgive.
And in light of my mistakes, you touch my dirty mouth.
And, well, yes at times I don't think we should be doing this.
Come to bed, love, give me your lips.

Trophy Wife

Sweetie, let's be honest.
You were just a pretty face
with lips I could taste
and paralyzing eyes.
But you were nothing but a facade
with a sign on the front that read
"Come here. I'll give you everything you've ever wanted and more than what she could."
How can I say you're so bad though?
I fell for it. I fell for it.
The little trap you set to catch something so big, bigger than you.
You played your part convincingly.
You played it very well.
After all, we are nothing more than players on a big stage.
Such an elaborate production.
"Lies and Lust," they called it
And you played the trophy wife.
Anything I wanted. The guts to back that up.
But it's funny how art mimicks life.
To anyone who'll listen, trust me, on paper, there's nothing more you could ask for.
But this is life. There's so much more.